UGH

11 pm

I'm trying to sleep. But you're there. And you're thinking about her. How the fuck am I suppose to live?? I keep trying and trying to get you out but you just won't go away. Apparantly every guy in the world can want me but only you can touch me right now. If this continues, you will break my heart without ever getting a chance to be with me.

I've watched you. I knew you weren't happy. You talked about it for three years. I finally opened myself to you. I sat myself in front of you, I let you touch me and I thought about you for a day. I thought you were finally ready. I was willing to take a chance because I love my friends and they love you. I haven't been able to lose you since. You are always connected to me.

I wanted to be there for you. But you didn't think about me. You didn't feel me. You didn't want me. I some times wish I had taken you home that night. I almost grabbed your hand and asked you to come with me. I was so afraid you wouldn't stay. Now I'm having nightmares and I'm the one who doesn't want to live.

The day you left, I tried to avoid you. I left my house so I wouldn't see you leave. But there you were, getting gas at my gas station. So I went somewhere else. Then to McD's for my coffee and there you are there too. I was crushed. I wanted to stop and say something. But what. All I wanted to say was 'please stay with me'. But I couldn't do that to her. It's your life anyway and your choice. You already knew I wanted you. I've tried to write you a letter but I can't end it. I've tried so many times. I can't say goodbye