My Devil

12:30am

I fell asleep watching Sex and The City again. Around 6. I was thinking that I relate to all those girls. I have a little of each of them in me. But I love writing most. Now Miranda and Steve are together for the first time and Carrie and Big broke up the first time, him leaving for Paris. I don't remember any dreams, I slept pretty good but my back hurts.

Woke up at midnight, my friend and Uncle wanted coffee filters. My uncle walked in and immediately said that I need more than knives, I should get a pistol. Where the hell did that come from?? Definitely something for you to think about.

I was thinking about my dad again when I fell asleep. I moved his picture to the living room while I was in barber school.

I was in barber school with My Devil. Yea, my devil is a person. I'm addicted to humans. What's yours??

The longest, coldest winter of My Life....I had my dad and the Devil. My dad was a Scorpio and the other guy was a Capricorn Sun who had a bunch of planets in Scorpio.....in his tenth house of public. He acted like a Scorpio more than a Capricorn.

So even though he made me cry every day, My Devil taught me a lot. He made me stronger, very strong. He was the only guy that I ever called a dog and he had a pit bull. He had something sexual to say to every single female he came across and often would touch them. He scared a lot of them and made most uncomfortable. After six and a half months in a small room with him....and that hallway of Hell from my dreams, I still loved the guy. He had a big heart, a Pisces heart. He never wanted to hurt anyone and I always knew. And I know that I taught him a lot.

I wrote him a letter, a week before Valentine's Day. The first page, front and back, I worked on for like 6 weeks. I was emotional and lost.....cause yea, he was the stranger I gave my almost two year celibacy to. It only took him two weeks. I cried all the way home that night and regretted it every day for six months. So that first page, I did my best to keep my emotions out of it and show him what he did to me and others, from our point of view. Then, on the second page. I wrote a very small paragraph telling him what I thought he was. A narcissist, a dog and so on. I didn't say too many names but I let him know that I had loved him, I love everyone but he was all those things. He flipped and asked everyone else if they thought he was some of those things, no one knew about the letter, and they all gave him the Truth too. He never said narcissist, I'm positive that he didn't know what it meant. An hour later, he wanted to buy all the females flowers. He finally stopped thinking about himself.

He came to my house once. He text me, supposedly by accident, after 6 weeks, yea right. Said he wanted to talk. I let him convince me. He showed up. He didn't stay, he ran off while I stood at the door crying because I really wanted to talk. That was way before the letter. And the last day I saw him, I left him a copy of my How To Do a Birth Chart Book. I made it while in school. He wanted his, I wasn't ready. All the books on how to do one are huge, way too big. I broke it down. I think it's around 20 pages and it's not quite done. I got distracted with all this and have a website. I also gave him his birth chart, the wheel, the basics and left him to look up what it all meant. He is smart and he believes. So even though he hurt me, I still love him and care and wanted him to know him self.

My Devil, remember, he was a Capricorn, just like both my grandparents who raised me, with my brother who is a Capricorn. So is the Uncle and so is my brother Blaine. And my dad's picture had finally been brought out of the closet and was sitting in my front window, looking out the mountain.

I dreamed that the Devil showed up here....and My King was here too, in my bed.