Sad

5:52pm

Woke up almost remembering my dreams. I know they were good and I was happy for a little while. But I'm a hypocrite, I must be one of the loneliest people out there. I know I'm not the only one so I do my best to hide it. But I'm really sad and I fight to hide the tears 24/7. It's a tough, cruel World out there. Everyone is so selfish, hardly anyone thinks about others. Yea, I have friends but they all have some one and spend most of their time at home with them.

And I have to say that I can't stand the people who stay in loveless relationships. If you're not happy, in love and you feel lonely, let them go and give both of you a chance at happiness. How can you expect to ever find happiness with someone else if you're stuck in a relationship?? And no, you're not as lonely as a single person. Whoever came up with that quote must never have been alone. Being on your own is the worst. You have no one to talk to at all!!! NO ONE. No one helps you put your mirror on your car, no one helps carry groceries in, no one helps carry laundry up the stairs or vacuum the steps, no one is there to listen at all.

Being single for 20 plus years, when all you ever dreamed of having in life, is a true love and best friend to enjoy life with, that's the worst kind of loneliness. You choose to stay in an unhappy relationship, I'm choosing to look for a happy one and every person that is in an unhappy relationship.....is preventing me and countless others from finding our true happiness. If you are one of these people, I'm sorry, but you are a selfish coward and you suck. You're breaking at least three other peoples hearts besides your own. YOU and only YOU are responsible for your own happiness. If you really care about your significant other but don't want to be with them, you would let them go so you both can find happiness, keeping them for fear of being alone is SELFISH

I'm fighting a double edged sword right now. I can't stand the thought of spending another cold ass winter alone in this big bed. But at the same time, I can't stand the thought of anyone touching me ever again. If one person can make me feel so much just by touching my fingers, I don't want anyone touching anything on me. I'm ready for love, I want to know what it's like. I want some one to love my mind and me and stay away from my body. Why is this so hard?? Why can't I like Blaine?? He never tries anything but he's here for me. I'm so fucking lost and confused. I wish I could just leave right now. I was fine when I went to town, I even smiled and tried to flirt but when I start heading home, I just wanted to cry (and yes, I am). I can't wait till this Hell is over, I know that it's only a slump and that I will have an even better life than before this Hell started but I'm so fearful that I will have to spend another cold ass winter alone. This is awful, how will I stop crying if I'm stuck in this Hell another six months??

"So Yesterday" Hilary Duff

"Sleep to Dream" Fiona Apple....saw her at Bloom U., up close, she is beautiful and amazing <3

7:08 pm

Feeling better. I did a reading for myself. Things are looking real good. I might even get to travel over water!! Damn....I might get to go to Jamaica sooner than I expected. That makes me smile. Now, you want a reading too?? I'm bored, let me help

"Rumors" Lindsay Lohan