"Complicated"

5:45am

I believe. I have always believed. Because I can look at you and tell you if you are with your twin flame. I don't need to see them either, just you. I was born this way. I feel energy, I see energy and I see souls. All this time, I thought I would never know for myself. With everything I believe in, the fact that I'm still alone and that I most often would chose losers.....I just figured it would be selfish and I couldn't know. Now, however, I Know. I've been trained to be unique and dynamic. I know that I can be anything, I am highly intelligent, I can entertain some one for a lifetime. I've been trained to Love driving around while being blessed with invisibility. And most importantly, I've spent a lot of time around addicts. I know how they are, how they act, I see the Truth and ultimately, I have learned how to help them.

Can't forget My Devil either. When I went to tour Jolie, I didn't think I wanted to go there. Until I did the tour and met My Devil. As soon as I laid eyes on him, I knew that I had to be there with him. And what did he teach me?? He made me learn and study birth charts so I could remember why I'm here and what my purpose is. And now, every single thing that has happened to me since, has led me to learn more about this stuff and most especially about Twin Flames. I've wanted more information on Twin Flames all my life and now, it's finally out there. I Know that this is my time and that my Twin Flame is here.

So yea, some one asked me to like this guy. I saw him as a good guy who was happy in his marriage. For three years, I didn't want anything to do with him, I didn't even want to talk to him. Because he seemed too nice and I liked him just the way he was. Now, I know why I avoided him. Eight months ago, I saw a different person. I saw some one who was unhappy. I tried to help by helping make money. I thought that would make things better for everyone. After all, he is close to one of my best friends and his life affects hers and apparently in more ways than he realizes. But that didn't help, I was taken for granted, overlooked, ignored and treated as though I was nothing. And things only got worse. Then one day, four months ago, he touched my fingers. Yea, that's it. And that's all it took for me to know.

I know, I'm ready and I've been ready.

But now, I don't like being me. I'm not happy anymore. Because I Know, I believe and I want it. But I'm sad because he doesn't believe, he's chasing money and he's making life hard for everyone. He doesn't believe that money is evil, he doesn't believe that his actions and feelings are like fire and he's causing Hell on everyone he is involved with. Himself, his wife that he doesn't love, his son, his friends, me.....everyone he talks to. And most importantly, he doesn't believe that if you just do what's right and what's meant to be, that life can be really great. Easy, no. Life's a bitch and Karma is real. But that's the thing, the harder you fight what's meant to be, the harder life is and the harder it is to get to Heaven. Even after you make things right, Karma doesn't ever forget. Maybe he doesn't think he deserves this and he likes being in Hell. I guess he's so use to being punished that he feels it's what's right and we should all suffer. And what can I do about that?? Nothing....it's his choice.

I know. I've been fighting it, denying it and blocking it for three months. But the Universe just won't let me forget. I can't stop dreaming about him, even though I force myself to think about others before I go to sleep, I still dream about him. Every time I go out in public, all the guys look like him and they ignore me just like he does. His name is thrown at me, his home town is stamped everywhere I go, my friends talk about guys like him, some even have the same name. I can't get away from this.

But I'm trying. I'm done being the girl next door for him to fantasize over. I am real and I deserve a real relationship, not an imagined one. I want to go out there and try to prove that we have more than one twin flame. There is no way that this is meant to be. I am sick and for the first time in my life, I really do need some one. But this guy, he's too selfish. He'd rather sit in misery and cause everyone around him to be sad too. I don't need this. I know that I'm not suppose to be alone right now. And I refuse to sit here and feel this way when I'm doing everything I can to be happy. At this moment, I'd rather stay here in Hell and die alone than ever take a chance with this guy. I can't stand selfish pessimists. After all, he could have been with me twice now to see a bear and help me get videos. We could be making each other laugh and be happy. We could show each other that we are great just the way we are, we don't have to change for anyone. But no, he'd rather live in Hell and make us all suffer with him.

If you have time and want to help me, I'm getting in my carport loft this week, looking for treasure and I would love some help. It's dangerous getting in there and my uncle has chased most of my help away. Gee....can't imagine why?!?!