"Some Nights"

6:01am

The young guy delivered my papers but he threw them down and ran off before I even got out of my car. Go figure. 'He probably has a girlfriend,' I thought, 'the good ones are always taken.' I was glad he was late, I wrote the rest of this (from my nap on) while I sat there waiting. I had been thinking that I wasn't going to make another playlist but I was ignored and the music was magic again. I started with 88.9 and was entranced for a few songs. I love the new song "Stressed Out" which played along the river where I saw the train twice. I was very excited that "Here" played on High Road, it's so how I feel when I go out to the bar, to parties, pretty much anywhere these days.

Very cool to hear "Candle In the Wind." You do know that I love Marilyn Monroe?? I like to think that I was her and that I am a lot like her, without the money and fame. At least not yet, I have spent my life being a hermit, studying humans, learning who I am and now I'm ready to go make myself known so I can find my Joe. I do not like the song "Firework" but it reminds me of my best friends Fourth of July parties. They are the best, we always play beer pong, we've even played in the pouring rain.

"Girls Just Want to Have Fun"

And "Born To Be Wild", hell yeah, I was born a Sag

HA..my uncle greeted me for his paper, wearing Superman pants. Nothing is a coincidence.

I woke up from a half hour nap at 1:17 am and felt a difference.

Monday night I did a candle spell for growth, new life, health, enlightenment and happiness. It was a New Moon, time for new beginnings and growth.

I was forced to be sober yesterday, Tuesday.

What I did: I wrote yesterday's blog, I slept a lot and I finished a bunch of notes on birth charts & palm reading. I removed something from my house that has been cursing me with blue eyes. I put it in the trunk of my car for now so that it can pick up some good jujus while I'm out driving around. I plan to gift it to someone who needs a blessing this powerful. I finally did my other best friend's chart. I knew that she was an old soul and awesome. But it's more awesome than I thought. She is way more of a Scorpio than I knew. I can't wait to find out what time she was born so I can see which house is her tenth one of public.

I've sometimes felt like maybe I'm being too emotional over this.

But I'm not. I'm a Pisces and I have a tumor on my ovary. I have had my heart broken way more times than I can count. I gave up over four years ago and chose my career over boys and sex.

Then this guy comes along and gets my hopes up. He makes me think my biggest dream can be real. But then he makes his decision without even knowing me and what I have to offer him.

Fuck him. And fuck this bullshit. I'm not too emotional. I'm suppose to be out there saving the World and I have a brother to protect me. I want love and I have it. Many people love me and that's all I need. I've gone without sex five months now and I'm totally okay with that. I don't need the pain that it brings. Not when my emotions are so easily taken advantage of. Besides, the only people who know how emotional I really am over this, are my best friends and whoever is reading this blog. And I know not too many people have that much time on their hands. Unless they are interested in me. If you are, don't be scared, I obviously don't want to talk about my feelings. Just keep me happy and we won't have a problem. Of course, maybe my mom and Blaine know how upset I am also but they know I don't like talking about my feelings. And if you've been reading, you can probably see why. I get too confused. I'd rather not be alone, thinking so much. If you are reading, thank you for being interested and thinking about me. Have a blessed day

"I Am" Awolnation