Storm

5:18am

My head feels better now and I'm really upset. I woke up at 5 crying. I can not believe that I spent another night alone. I'm so disappointed in this life and the so-called friends I have chosen. My daughter came in to ask what was wrong. She hugged me and said that I would find someone one day. She's so sweet and might be right. But that's not my issue. I don't even have friends willing to come sit with me and help me. I almost stayed not smoking, I couldn't at first, I could barely breathe the first two days. But of course it didn't last. Crying hurts. It hurts my lungs, my belly, I can't cry much, it makes me hurt and makes me even more sad. No one is willing to share any green with me and I'm sober. So of course I'm smoking cigarettes again :( I'm dreading a shower, I don't think I can stand that long yet but I need one and I don't have anyone willing to help with that. Except maybe my daughter but she's almost thirteen, I don't know if she will. I'm going to attempt to cook, wish me luck and enjoy the rain I'm bringing today. I can't cry and I'm done being optimistic, so Mother Nature is going to cry for me.