Still not ok - revised

1:07am

So Boston thinks I'm nuts. My neighbors think I'm nuts. Just great. I'm surrounded by people who don't get me. Boston, sure, he's selfish and greedy, he stayed with his wife for money, even though he's been unhappy with her for over three years. He doesn't know me, he never even bothered to look past my hot body. Or maybe he's still hurt that I called him a coward. Or maybe he's read some of this and doesn't like hearing the truth. Did everyone forget that I've known him for over three years and I pay attention?? I know him and I know that he's nothing but a fake right now. Drugs do that to people. Well, it's his loss. This blog will be here forever....so next year, when I'm rolling in the dough from legitimate, real work and he finally does look at me, I'm pointing him to this and telling him to fuck off. Or maybe it will be in two years when he starts driving again and he has his freedom that he will remember how unhappy he is with her. Whatever, he wants to pretend like he's happy and living the life and that I'm crazy. Fine with me. He will see, Karma will get him and he will be real sorry.

As for the rest, fuck you. I'm sensitive, I always have been, you always knew and you had no right talking me into liking and wanting him. And to now deny that you had anything to do with it. Seriously, I'm not stupid and I wasn't that sick. You didn't want him. You didn't want another person in your house so you tried to con him off on me. Just like with that Aaron kid, remember that?? And then to have the nerve to say that I made it all up in my head and I'm nuts. You really know how to make someone feel special. So not cool. I never wanted him, I wanted his dog but you made me look at him. Let's not forget, Carol doesn't even like talking to married men. So for me to be thinking about one and willing to let him live with me, well, some one must have made it seem like a real good idea.

And then you kept his dog for yourself because you THINK you know what's best for me. That dog came to visit me at my home and while I was at my grandpa's, that doesn't mean anything to you?? And yea, it was said that maybe he could come stay with me for a little and see how it goes. Maybe!!! And what did you do?? You chained him up, locked him up and kept him away from me. You all knew I was sick and you all know that my biggest fear is being alone but did you give me something I wanted that would make me smile?? No, you left me alone with my biggest fear. Obviously you do not know me......you made Boston think I'm crazy, you made me hate my life, you made me want to leave my home and you've made me wish I were dead.

And yea, I would still take that dog. He never hurt me, he tried to love me. I want him because I'm still alone and if he were here....he would be MINE. As for his owner not being able to visit him, that's the price he has to pay for getting a dog and getting attached when he knew his wife hates dogs.

Do you remember when I dreamed about Boston going to jail?? Remember that not long after, he showed up here looking for pity becuase he was unhappy with his life?? What happened?? Oh yea, Carol did go crazy and flip out on everyone. And did it not make Boston leave the state?? Has it crossed anyone's mind that maybe we did keep him out of jail?? That maybe Carol isn't nuts, maybe you just don't believe in her or understand her because you're on hard drugs and don't see reality?? Yea, I'm all about dreams and believing in them but I'm not stupid. I know what reality is and I know that I can make things happen. Just like I know that Boston is married and I told him he was a coward three months ago and I've been avoiding him ever since. Why can't you all help out and quit talking to me about him??