Chartreuse

7:51am

Chartreuse - always thought that was a cool word, wonder why I never looked it up?? It's French for one of my favorite colors. Very cool. According to my horoscope there, some one is trying to steal from me again. I've got my eyes wide this time. Even though I have been sleeping literally all day. I can't help it, I have this stuff called Pot of Gold. It's delicious and potent, a few hits makes me very sleepy. It's so great when I need rest. Thankfully I have this purple stuff too that keeps me awake and makes the physical pain go away. I'm feeling so lucky. I'm finally being taken care of. I'm feeling like Nancy Botwin from Weeds. Mary-Louise Parker is hot, I watched Red Dragon the other night and I've been thinking about Weeds since. I really loved that show and totally relate to her. I felt like the show was about me often, we have a mutual love of ice coffee and weed and we handle shit the same way.....crazy, fucked up and emotional but everything always turns out awesome. (Don't forget, in Red Dragon, she's married to the guy who stars in Fight Club, an important movie about understanding your self, love and money)

I was thinking about hiding some of these posts again. I thought that I wanted to but I haven't decided what or how much to take off. I do want to write a book or two or maybe ten, who knows?? My new friend B is writing a book, I really like it and her poetry is awesome. I gave up trying to write poems because I couldn't find words better than the music I listen to. Some of B's poems totally speak to my heart.

I was thinking that I shouldn't keep so much here but the more I think about it, I have to keep a lot, I can't stop writing because it makes things happen. I just can't quit now. Maybe if I leave what I have, I will get some questions and suggestions on what to write about??

I've always believed in magic and fairy tales. Now, I believe I am a magician and that I'm looking for one to share this World with. Have you ever looked at my cover photo on my Facebook page?? It's been there for many years. I have believed that most of my life. I can do what I want. I've listened to the music and believed in my dreams. I've embraced the demons of Earth, the werewolves, the ghosts, the drugs.....nothing scares me except for the way humans treat other human beings. Just like the one quote in my picture slide show on my About Me page. All my thinking about fairy tales made me wonder what my true goal is. I was scared and thinking I want to be a fairy. My North Node in my birth chart is Leo, I Will, a fairy. But I'm pretty sure I was just looking for one and I found him, Home Depot was a Leo. He was childhood friends with and a twin of the guy I thought I was in love with for sixteen years. The guy who stood me up and left me with Boston, he has a Leo Mars, his heart. He has been disappearing in and out of my life for 16 years. I always thought he was my Earth Angel, maybe he is both, my fairy and my angel. I don't want to be a fairy, I just want to find my Twin Flame and wake him up.....A and J helped.

I had so much more to say but I think that's enough for one day. I think I'm going to enjoy some of my Pot of Gold and rest some more. My body is feeling better this evening. I decided to stop taking the pill I was given when we found out the teratoma was crushing my intestines. This pill is for heartburn but it kept my insides moving and me alive. The last couple days, I've had the most terrible pains, everything hurts. Not just gas but the general moving of my intestines. Ouch. I think part of them are not use to working and moving. This pill seems to make them work harder and hurt more. I've been without it 24 hours now and I'm not hurting as much. Thank goodness.