"Chandelier"

8:51pm

The song stuck in my head. I feel like the loneliest person in the world. I feel like I'm the most honest, caring and loyal person in the world, which makes me even lonelier. I don't understand. I'm a good person, why do so many people think I'm stupid and a whore?? I'm so upset. You make it hard for me to be myself. You think that because I'm single and nice that I'm flirting and a whore :((

Why can't I find some one like me?? Why do I obsess over it?? More importantly, why can't I be happy alone anymore?? Ever since I kicked P.W. out, I've felt like I'm waiting for some one to find me. But I keep trying and I go out there. I put on a fake smile. I try to be happy. I try to find some one. But I keep meeting married men, guys with blue eyes and gross beards, gay guys or no one. And every time I'm alone, I cry. I cry a lot. My heart is beating, I think, some one has to be looking for me. Why can't I find him or he find me?? I don't know how to go on alone anymore, my heart wants to give up :'(