"Pursuit of Happiness"

5:52 am

I have heard parts of this song for years, in movies and on tv shows. It was never long enough for SoundHound to tell me what it was and for some reason, I never thought to look at the soundtrack for Project X (awesome fucking movie). I didn't even know it had words, yet they fit me so well, they're perfect.....ha. Something for me to be happy about. I found it on the radio as I was leaving High Rd this morning, thinking about breakfast with some one special, whoever He is. It made me smile and wish I could dance. I can't wait till I can move like that again. I forgot to mention some things from my doctor visit. In case it wasn't obvious, she's my gynecologist not my general doctor. Although, when I fell asleep last night, I was thinking about calling my 'doctor' Monday for an appointment instead of waiting for a new doctor. I have been feeling like shit for about two weeks but I realized Wednesday that I had a really bad 'cold.' It started when we had a lot of rain and I thought that I had a sinus infection being that I'm still healing and my immune system is down. There were times I was so sick; lots of mucus, coughing and all over body pain, that I thought I was dying again. But I've been feeling a little better every day since Wednesday and after this morning's paper route, I know I'm not going to see my 'doctor.' I can't remember the last time I smelled those cow farms but they were so strong today that I almost puked several times. I couldn't be happy about it at the time but I'm feeling a lot better physically too so I'm getting closer to being truly happy.

Now back to my gyno. Of course we talked about my surgeon. We agreed that he''s good looking, really nice and communicates so well with people. She even told me she has a thing for accents as well and that he's from Portugese. Ah, finally, I told her that I've been wondering where he's from because I love accents too. Sadly though, she also told me if I had a full time, eight hour a day job that she would still not allow me to go back to work. Thanks to the hematomas which are still bruised enough that she could see them. Damn, damn, damn.....four more weeks she says :((

UGH.....I need some company. I still love "Dead Inside" it's been awhile for "Big Empty" and UB40 just makes me feel good sometimes. I don't like Adam Lambert or that song but nothing else was on so I actually listened to the words. What a bad idea, I want to cry again :(

I wish everyone in the World would think positive, forever and always